This entry might offend some, but this is where I can vent get out my feelings on certain issues... So click away from this page and enjoy your day, or stay and read.
As many of you know I grew up in the Mormon religion. I attended all my meetings, early morning seminary (6:00 am before school), girls camp, dances, you name it I went. Most of the things I went to I wanted to go to, but some things I was told I had to go. What happens when you tell a teen they have to do something. Yup, bad attitude and rebelling! That was me. I do not like conforming to what everyone else is doing. I felt I didn't really know who I was because I was being molded into something I was not happy with. I continued living a life that I was not happy with because I was told if I had these feelings they were from Satan. So for a very long time(25+yrs) I thought I was a bad person because I questioned a lot.
I brought my kids up in this religion because it was all I ever knew, and Kurt joined the church as well. Don't get me wrong, we as a family have a very strong belief in God and the eternal plan. We say morning prayer and evening prayer, we talk a lot about our moral values, spiritual values, and values for "our" family. We do these things because we want to not because we have to. If the kids have issues with a subject we talk about it and give them guidance but do not make them be something they are not, or feel uncomfortable with.
I guess my heart really turned when Halee was applying to colleges and she made her decision to go to San Diego to school. So many people in my church gave me that sad look and said, " so, she is not going to BYU?" Are you kidding me! Halee is a lot like me and would freak out in a school that everyone has to be the same, same look, same thoughts, same judging ways. I had some say that I would be held responsible for her school choice. Um, the only school she did not get into was BYU. She got into 4 other great schools.
UNLV, USC, ASU, and SDSU. Halee stopped going to early morning seminary in Goffstown because here were only 3 kids in it, so therefore BYU would not consider her. Really, how judging is that, BYU needs to know why she stopped going and see what it is like to be a Mormon outside of the "Happy Valley" of Utah. Also a lot of the kids that go to BYU from around here know people that help them get in to BYU... Whatever...
I always felt like I was an outsider because I didn't have the same thoughts and I am raising my family in a different way. We have given our children a base of the gospel, it is up to them to make there own choices. Free agency, isn't that what God had planned for us?
Seeing people of this religion play it off like they have their shit together makes me feel very sorry for them. I know so many that feel stuck in their relationship because they have been "sealed" to their partner. Some avoid their families due to the craziness going on inside the wall of their home. People judge others so ruthlessly because they don't want to look at themselves.
It has been about 6 months since I have been to church, and I am starting to like who I am, and enjoying my family. I am not stressed out by all the things I am not doing, like food storage, FHE, meeting after meeting, family history. I would come home from church totally overwhelmed because of all the things that I had to do to be the perfect wife, mother, and example to others.
Mormon hold themselves to a higher standard which might be great for some, but if you really knew, most women feel like this they just wont say anything because they "can't". So I am saying it for them.
Someday I might return to being a Mormon, but right now I see a lot of other positive options.
Like I said I am just venting and take it for what it is worth...