20 Years Old... The "I am Not Old Enough Age. Yet, I am Old Enough Age..."



Jill, KK, Ellen, Missy, and Halee in OGT



20 years old is that age when it is that year of not being able to rent a car, rent a hotel room, drink or go to Vegas or Mohegan Sun, yet you are old enough to vote, smoke, buy lottery tickets, and get put in adult prison.  This is the time one must find a path in life and try to stay on it. 

Halee is turning 20 on Sunday November 21st.  Like my friend Kerri said " Amazing how fast time passes us by.  When our parents said that we thought they were exaggerating..... boy... were they right!"

It really feels like yesterday that I was on my way to Newton Wellesley Hospital where I was born and I wanted to have my first born (and 2nd born). 

After a few hours of labor Halee was born and I was in shock...

My best friend KK came to be with me. 

KK: " Jill, where is Halee?" 

Me: " Um, under a tanning lamp down the hall."

KK: " Lets go get her"

Me:  " Really..."

Off we went to get Halee out of the nursery.  I think the nurses knew that this new baby had a teen mom and a best friend who would be Halee's surrogate father for a few years.  They gave us the squeakiest cart and put me the furthest away from the nursery.  We went down the hall squeaking,  passing every room that had "families" in them, and they would look out at us with a disapproving scowl.  KK and I just picked up speed and cruised back to my room giggling like "teens" doing something wrong do.

KK:  " I think she pooped"

Me: " What do I do?"

I was not fond of kids growing up, I did not like babysitting. ( I am not fond of kids now...)

I opened up Halee's diaper, "what the freak is that?"  Seriously, the scariest stuff had come out of my perfect little girl.  I didn't know the hospital fed my baby black tar.  This was just the beginning of our adventure.

We spent countless hours poking, and testing food out on Halee.  KK and I had a live doll.  I can't believe some of the things we went through and we all survived.

KK and Halee played a huge roll in me having the family that I do today. KK introduced me to Kurt at Waterville Valley.  I stayed for a week with college friends,  during the day I would put Halee in the day care so I could ski.  Kurt worked in the daycare with KK, very manly I know, but kinda hot at the same time... After a few days Kurt and I talked, and from there The Hines Crew developed.

Halee lived at Lasell College with me, had a huge part in creating our family, and is more than a daughter, she is a blessing to so many!

Our family motto:

There are but two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other, wings.

Halee,  take hold of this life, live it, and learn from it.  Set your goals, walk the walk and know you have so many in your corner cheering you on and will be there to pick you up when you fall. 

Enjoy this year of  "BLAH 20"!

Oh ya, and slow down...

LIFE...

Just about a month ago my best friend had a baby girl.  I can't even begin to tell the stories that we have been through together and the many challenges we both faced to get us to our places in life. 

New Years Eve 2009-2010 we bought KK a pregnancy test, no big deal seeing she has been married for a few years and really wanted to have a baby.  This is probably the 6 test we bought between the two of us, but mind you she only used one of those... Yup, the rest were for me. Sometimes when you have a positive result you are not satisfied till you pee on 3 or four more sticks,  also shock can cause you to have disbelief too.  Moving on...

We knew KK was pregnant on New Years.  No one but the four of us knew, KK, me, and our husbands.  I was so excited for her.  KK would call though out her expansion and we would laugh and cry about situations she was dealing with and things I had dealt with.  After nine months the time was upon her and her awesome husband.  I got a picture text from KK while I was at work... Now you have to know many people think I have no visible emotions, um wrong.  I had to excuse myself from the high school main office and go ball my eyes out in the bathroom.

I could not wait to head to the Cape and see this new baby that I had look forward to for years.  KK was there for the birth of  Halee and was like her 2nd mother and still is.  I was so not ready to have a baby at age 19 and KK and I went through so many things with bringing up Halee.  I longed for KK to have a baby so that she could experience all the fun, and hardship that having kids puts upon you.

I headed to the Cape a few weeks after Baby R arrived.  I got off exit 11 and started to get teary, by the time I hit the Chatham line I was a basket case.  I had to drive around Chatham trying to pull myself together.  Finally when I thought I was ok, I pulled into her driveway and saw KK holding a baby, her baby.  Jeepers,  what is wrong with me, I started sobbing.  Yes, me, snotty and hivey... I can't even express the happiness I had for KK and her new family. 

This picture is my favorite.
KK's sister Sue took this and it has so may
different emoutions for me,
 LOVE IT!

Another one of KK's closest and oldest friends came down from Maine, it was such a great weekend just sitting listening to stories of family, kids, post postpartum issues, and lots of snuggles w Baby R. 

I guess I realized how lucky I am to have a family, 4 great kids, and friends that you can tell anything to and don’t judge you for taking meds to make it through the day:).   I went home from that weekend realizing life is challenging and tough at times but it is also spiritually uplifting and exciting as well.  I felt so happy for life that I have and all the challenges that have been set out before me, so that others can learn from me or I can help others because I have been there.

Closing out our Summer...

Summer has come to a close for the Hines Crew.  I returned back to work last week and I am not sure Kurt even had a summer vacation.  He does football all year round.  Morning work outs 3 times a week, 7 on & on Wednesday nights, coaches meetings, two football camps, trips to Boston College to check out his players at that camp, and then the start of Aug double sessions.  Today is his first scrimmage at BHS vs Merrimack.    I am looking forward to a great year at BHS, a new principal has been hired and I am excited to work for and with him. It will be nice to have discipline, consistency, and someone who does what he says he will! I think the staff feels the same way.  I will keep you posted on this journey...

Our kids start school on Sept 2nd, so that leaves them home for a week without us. If they don't kill each other it will be an act of God!

I might have to let them know for each phone call that they make to me at work and they are not bleeding to death will cost them money or chores. 

Halee will be working 2 jobs while she is home till May, Abby is going into her sophomore year, Brock will be in 8th grade, and Soph will be in 7th.  Time is flying by! Before I know it all three younger kids will be in high school together. Either they make a pact not to throw each other under the bus or their HS life might send me over the edge.  I could not image what HS would of been like if I had two other siblings in the same school. I might have actually done well and stayed in school during the day. 

As summer comes to a close I think back on what we accomplished.

• Painted the interior of the house
• Planted a garden and it is reaping edible food
• Finished the hardwood stairs so they fit now
• Cut down trees and cleared out by the driveway (thanks to Abby being grounded:)
• Cleaned out the house of "stuff" and Freecycled it.
• Halee and I drove 3200 miles in 3.5 days ( next time we are taking our time!)
• Few trips to the beach (not as many as I would of liked)
• RI to paint Kurt's parents house
• Kids to camps

So now the crisp morning air starts to roll in and we all begin to live on a schedule again I look forward to many great memories with my family and friends.  All of the challenges that we will face this year will just make us stronger and an example to those around us.

FACEBOOK STATUS across the US.

FACEBOOK STAUTS UPDATES ACROSS THE USA

Jillian Peterson Hines Checked in to Southwest, getting my playlist and movies downloaded, and finally packing. What does one pack for driving for 5 days?

Jillian Peterson Hines just landed in chicago. leaving for cali in a half hour.

Jillian Peterson Hines somewhere in California heading to Colorado tonight or as far as we can.

Jillian Peterson Hines Vegas, an ADHD nighmare... Are we almost home?

Jillian Peterson Hines Utah.. sure looks like it would be pretty but it is 1am and really dark down here in southern Utah.

Jillian Peterson Hines nothing like driving through the canyon lands of southern Utah at night. 3AM Friday morning...

Jillian Peterson Hines where the eff are we? Sun is just coming up. Um, that was an elk we just passed. I am so tired.

Jillian Peterson Hines Halee has driven twelve hours and refuses to stop till we hit Denver. We are now looking for a Dennys or Ihop:)

Jillian Peterson Hines quote of the day- it is so beautiful here it makes me want to hike... Said by Halee.

Jillian Peterson Hines Cant say We're not in Kansas anymore, cause we are.

Jillian Peterson Hines Crazy mother truckers!

Jillian Peterson Hines still driving, almost to TN:)!

Jillian Peterson Hines Damn deer! Why must you jump out of the woods at dawn and freak me out. And you make a big mess when you get smooched...

Jillian Peterson Hines made it to TN sleep then head north tomorrow. can one bruise their tailbone from sitting too much?

Jillian Peterson Hines Oh, sleep how I have missed you! I feel like a new woman... Six hours to WV, then nine hours to NH!!!

Jillian Peterson Hines On the road again... hoping to find a Dunkin Donuts. America does not run on Dunkins, only the north east has them.

Jillian Peterson Hines East coast! We are half way through Virginia. Also way more traffic.

Jillian Peterson Hines I have listened to way too much Justin Bieber I think my head might explode! Oh and the ghetto rap is crazy. just heading to NYC.

Jillian Peterson Hines Holy traffic this is killing our time!

Jillian Peterson Hines lost in Newark. Omg

Jillian Peterson Hines I think my kidneys are going to fall out. 42 Hours in the car. hoping to be home by 3am.

Jillian Peterson Hines just hit the Mass boarder. so looking forward to see the fam and my own bed! it will take a lot for me to get back in Halees car any time soon:)

Jillian Peterson Hines HOME! 3AM

Trip Across the US. DAY 2

July 23rd 9:30am


My bag made it and was the first ones off the carouse!
Halee picked me up and off we go. Well she announces we have places to go and people to see. So leaving the airport to head home was not going to happen. We drove all over the SD area. But I did get to tan at her former work. ITan. Talk about relaxing! Much needed! After visiting w people packing up and getting organized we were off. Halee and I were going to split up the trip by driving four hours a time and switching. As I am typing Halee is on her 13th hour of driving. She is Amp’ed up! I tried sleeping but it was scary driving through some of the areas. Big dead animals on the side of the road (elk, deer, and jack rabbits), swervy and hilly roads, and crazy landscapes. Halee kept announcing how many feet above sea level we were but saying 7000 square feet. I felt like I could not correct her cause I thought it was funny. After the 8th time she corrected herself… There was a point that we did not see a soul for 3 hours. Halee has decided that she wants to take a geology class to figure out why the landscape looks the way it does out here in Southern Utah and Western CO. The pictures I have posted do it justice, the depth and height was just incredible!
Just a side note, if you ever drive out here stopping at the scenic rest areas is beautiful, but the bathrooms are so ruthless! I dry heaved a few times. Hand sanitizer is a must! By the way XM/Sirius radio is a must driving in these areas!
We drove through Vegas at about 11:30 last night. Coming from someone who has A.D.D. I was glad I was not driving. I totally had “the shiny ball” syndrome! So much to look at and so many lights! It is crazy how one drives for 4 hours out of SD and rising up out of the desert is this playground for adults! If we had more time and Halee had a fake ID we could have had some fun… Actually she probably has one,  (not my problem, right?)
We are heading to my extended family’s place in Longmont, CO. Looking forward to seeing them, but also a much needed shower and nap!
Just hit a car wash outside of Vail (10,200 elevation) oh my ears!, we went through major “herds” of bugs! We are all shinny and pretty. Now we could use the same thing. I just pulled a Mexican shower in a Shell gas station parking lot. I didn’t even care that people gave me a “look’. Halee should of done the same but whatever...

PICTURES SOON

Trip Across the US. DAY 1

June 22nd 6:45 am

So it begins… I arrived at Manchester airport late... If any of you know me this is a pet peeve of mine! I checked in to baggage and an alarm went off to indicate that I was late. Awkward! As the women is helping me with my bag and moving me along she says” I am not sure your bag will make this flight, so if not just go to baggage claims in San Diego and find out when it will arrive.” I am screaming in my head, why didn’t I get my butt out of bed sooner? I hate flying so I was trying to put off going as long as possible. I thought this was a joke about me driving across country and was waiting Halee would be calling at anytime to say she really wanted to stay in paradise. Not the case…
I hurried to go through security. Bags in buckets, jewelry off, laptop in its own bucket, and off I go. Nope, the security guy asks me to remove my “shawl”, it is a light sweater, but whatever… Um, I didn’t wear a bra this morning with all the rushing around, and I am wearing a cami so I thought I would be covered. Again, not the case, another awkward moment because it was cold. Jeepers, it has only been 1 hour since I woke up and I already have had some challenges.
On a positive note, the flight to Chicago is not full so I have some room and no kids sitting near me! The skies look clear and got to see my town of Goffstown from 10,000 feet above.
So I land in Chicago and then have to sit out on the tarmac for 15+ minutes… Um my flight leaves in 10 minutes. I am freaking out in my mind. We finally exit the plane and I arrive at my gate to see no one but the person at the desk. Everyone has boarded. This means no window seatL UURRGG!
I finally find a seat and break up a father and daughter thinking they would have that extra seat between them. Nope, not today.
So I am off on my 4 hour flight to SD. I need to sleep this leg so we can drive through the night. Oh did I mention I have not eaten all day due to my lateness?

Trip across the US. DAY 3

July 25th

So we made it to CO in great time! We stayed with my cousin and his family. It was so great to be out of the car and to have interaction w others. We stayed the night and left CO at noontime. We were off to TN to see one of Halees friends. Not a ride I was looking forward to seeing the states we had to cross and seeing the storms that pass through this area every summer. In NH our storms on radar only have “red” cells if it is going to be bad, not here they have “purple” cells.
Off to Kansas, corn, cows, wrangler jeans, big trucks, can see for miles, and windmill farms. We watched storms to the south of us the lightning show was beautiful! That is Kansas from Rte 70 perspective… Oh and Rte 70 from Utah to TN. has the most adult “super” stores, and so many casinos. So basically it is a highway to hell. The other super stores we saw were fireworks... CRAZY!  The other thing saw were a lot of Jesus billboards. “Jesus loves those that don’t watch porn”… So where does that put the people who watch porn? Just a fact to all the bible thumpers… God and Jesus loves everyone. I am sure it has it’s great areas but not from what we saw. Note to self, Kansas is not in our top 20 places to live, probably not in our to 50…
Next to Missouri, a little more trees, hills, and curves. This is the only rain we hit rain so far. I did get to see the arch in St Louis, but it was late and rainy. We took a turn at St Louis to IL for a quick drive to drop down to KY. At about dusk I hit an area that was all dense woods and I think every deer in the state were mulling around waiting to cross the highway. It was so scary, the headlights would pick up the reflection in their eyes and freak me out. I almost had to pull over till the sun was up because of the amount of deer. Needless to say I was doing 50MPH, it was posted 70 MPH. When the sun finally came up the highways were riddled with dead dear. I still don’t get why they feel it is safe to cross the road in front of an 18 wheeler…
KY was the next area, rolling hills, horses, and green.
This was an uneventful leg of the trip, which is fine with me. Halee is still asleep. I was bored no one to talk to and I was sick of all our music.
Finally to TN, we went up and over mountains and lush green areas. Many state parks here. As we climbed, well the car climbed up and over some of the steps the maintenance required light came on… I am thinking because I finally put the highest grade of fuel in the car and it went into shock. I feel like it is driving better. We will have it checked in NH, if we make it. We made it to Knoxville to our destination for the night. As soon as we got there we said hello and hit the bed. After a few hours we were recharged. We spend the night just kicking back with our transplanted NH friends that live here now. For about 45 min we sat and watched storms pass north of where we were. It was incredible the lightning show that took place. I have never seen anything like it.
This morning we are of to the North. Not sure if we are stopping in WV or continue home. Six hours to WV, 15 hrs to NH. I know we could do it seeing I drove 20 hrs straight. Although I have had an eye twitch for the past 20+ hours.
Still looking for that Dunkin Donuts. America does not run on Dunkins… I have not seen one on our trip home…

PICTURES SOON

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

This entry might offend some, but this is where I can vent get out my feelings on certain issues... So click away from this page and enjoy your day, or stay and read.


As many of you know I grew up in the Mormon religion.  I attended all my meetings, early morning seminary (6:00 am before school), girls camp, dances, you name it I went.  Most of the things I went to I wanted to go to, but some things I was told I had to go. What happens when you tell a teen they have to do something. Yup, bad attitude and rebelling!  That was me.  I do not like conforming to what everyone else is doing.  I felt I didn't really know who I was because I was being molded into something I was not happy with.  I continued living a life that I was not happy with because I was told if I had these feelings they were from Satan. So for a very long time(25+yrs) I thought I was a bad person because I questioned a lot. 
I brought my kids up in this religion because it was all I ever knew, and Kurt joined the church as well.  Don't get me wrong, we as a family have a very strong belief in God and the eternal plan.  We say morning prayer and evening prayer, we talk a lot about our moral values, spiritual values, and  values for "our" family. We do these things because we want to not because we have to.  If the kids have issues with a subject we talk about it and give them guidance but do not make them be something they are not, or feel uncomfortable with. 
I guess my heart really turned when Halee was applying to colleges and she made her decision to go to San Diego to school.  So many people in my church gave me that sad look and said, " so, she is not going to BYU?"  Are you kidding me! Halee is a lot like me and would freak out in a school that everyone has to be the same, same look, same thoughts, same judging ways. I had some say that I would be held responsible for her school choice.  Um, the only school she did not get into was BYU.  She got into 4 other great schools.
UNLV, USC, ASU, and SDSU. Halee stopped going to early morning seminary in Goffstown because here were only 3 kids in it, so therefore BYU would not consider her.  Really, how judging is that, BYU needs to know why she stopped going and see what it is like to be a Mormon outside of the "Happy Valley" of Utah. Also a lot of the kids that go to BYU from around here know people that help them get in to BYU... Whatever...
I always felt like I was an outsider because I didn't have the same thoughts and I am raising my family in a different way.  We have given our children a base of the gospel, it is up to them to make there own choices.  Free agency, isn't that what God had planned for us? 

Seeing people of this religion play it off like they have their shit together makes me feel very sorry for them.  I know so many that feel stuck in their relationship because they have been "sealed" to their partner.  Some avoid their families due to the craziness going on inside the wall of their home.  People judge others so ruthlessly because they don't want to look at themselves.
It has been about 6 months since I have been to church, and I am starting to like who I am, and enjoying my family.  I am not stressed out by all the things I am not doing, like food storage, FHE, meeting after meeting, family history.  I would come home from church totally overwhelmed because of all the things that I had to do to be the perfect wife, mother, and example to others.
Mormon hold themselves to a higher standard which might be great for some, but if you really knew, most women feel like this they just wont say anything because they "can't".  So I am saying it for them. 
Someday I might return to being a Mormon, but right now I see a lot of other positive options. 
Like I said I am just venting and take it for what it is worth...

Things I Learned From Being a Bus Driver

When someone says they are a school bus driver what do you think?

1. They cant find another job
2. Non-educated
3. Fat, ugly, dirty, un-kept
4. Unmotivated
5. Mean

I am sure the list can go on for a few more, but you get the point. As most of you know I drove a bus for 7 years. Yes, 7... This was not my life's goal, or even a glimmer of a thought when I was going to college. Life happens.
There I was married with 4 kids living on Kurt teaching salary. To say the least we were struggling. We had a friend come over and bail us out a of a situation and mentioned that I should take a serious look at being a bus driver. He said I could bring my kids with me and it would help out the family. To his face I said "ya, sure, great idea..." Before the door even clicked shut I told Kurt, " are you freak'n kidding me! I AM NOT going to drive a bus! Who does this guy think I am?" I was so upset. As some more bills came in I realized I needed to put my pride aside and just bite the bullet.
Off I went to training, I had to study rules, and know parts of the bus that most would not have a clue. The people I met had more heart and understanding then most of my friends that had "it" all. (none of my friends really have it all, some just think they do). I tested with the state and passed. Now I have a CDL license and can drive a bus and a truck.
I would pack up my 4 kids every morning and drive to the bus station unload 2 car seats, 4 kids , and only one would head off to school. Abby would sit next to Sophia to pump her with food and drinks for the ride and Brock would have other kids sit with him and just chat w/ him.
Winter sucked! The buses had to be warmed up so I would have to leave early, go start the bus, jump back into my car with the kids and wait till the ice was a bit melty so I could scrape it all off. What the hell was I thinking taking this crappy ass job. I am going to strangle the guy who said this would be good for our family. Ya, he's a guy, and failed to remember I have 4 kids in tow and 2 car seats that get dragged back and forth from car to bus and back twice a day.
Winters in New England suck... They suck worse if you are a bus driver. Ya, I was in charge of 50+ kids and had to get them to school and home safely. I had a route that was curvy, hilly and down right ruthless! Many times I would pull over after all the kids were off and just cry because of the shear emotion of thinking we could all go over the edge if I made one wrong move.
My first year I didn't have much interaction with the kids, I figure I was "just" their bus driver. I also thought I was only doing this for a year so why bother getting to know these kids. As June rolled around and the year was coming to a close my manager asked if I wanted the same route for next year... "Sure"... What just came out of my mouth? OMG, I am going to do this again? I must be seriously mental. I lost my mind.
Summer came and I realized I missed some of those kids that must of thought I was mute. I knew I had to go back with a different attitude. September started and on marched the little cherubs. I would say "hi", or "good morning" to them and they would just look at me like I was a crazy bus lady. As time went on these kids would talk to me about school, home, issues, they would ask me questions and we as a bus all got to know each other. There were time the whole bus would be singing, or all laughing at something someone said or did. Fridays kids could sit where they wanted to and I would bring a treat to the "rider" of the week. This was someone that helped out with picking up my bus, helping another student or just that real sweet kid.
Each year I would see kids come and go. I grew to love these kids and there families. There were a select few that I wanted to hit the breaks when they were standing, but very few. I see former students in the stores and around town and kids still say hi to me.
So after 7 years, many students, and many great people at Goffstown Truck Center, I realized being a bus driver was the best job for me at that time of my life.
So if your kids have a bus driver take the time to thank them for taking your kids to school safely each day and understand they are people that are doing what they enjoy and don't think or them as the 5 things listed above!

What is your Calling?

So my day at work was one for the books... I think I dropped the "F" word to Kurt like 5 times in a 1.5 min conversation when he called to check in to see how my day was going. He might be a bit hesitant to call me again at work.
I know I was not put on this earth to be told what to do, get my ear chewed off by upset parents, teachers, and students, or take on the crazy work load that I have to do when I was hired as a mire attendance clerk...
So here I am sitting again at the VA hospital thinking "what is my calling".

Main Entry: call·ing
Function: noun
1 : a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence
2 : the vocation or profession in which one customarily engages

I think a lot about what would I really like to do? Anything? I think I have come to the conclusion I have lost myself a bit in being a wife and a mother. I would never leave my family to go off and ski the world, or go and do something like the Peace Corps. And I am NOT putting my family on the back burner like I see with some people. Either the husband is always gone or the mom is so wrapped up in her own goals that the family suffers. That is not what I am looking to do. I am just wondering what my calling is.

It is hard to put myself first and hard to figure out what I want.

So I am going to keep MY CALLING at the center of my mind. I need to find out who I am as a person, not a label as a mom and wife, but ME...

WHAT IS YOUR CALLING AND ARE YOU ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE DESIRES?

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm....

Didn't know what to blog about today so I am "stealing" this idea from a friend... http://ascapecodturns.blogspot.com/2010/03/things-that-make-you-go-hmmmmm.html

Sometimes things happen in the world that make you think, hmmmm..... Let's review this week so far...

* The Mater Cleanse is a crazy inner body cleanse that one should stay close to home while doing... Really, it is crazy. But I do feel better. Made it 5 days, will start again on Monday 10 day goal...

* Wondering if our 15 yr old daughter knows how to count... She is having a birthday party in 2 weeks, I said maximum 50 kids... Just checked her FaceBook, it is closer to 75...

*Realizing you are cutting the cord with one of your children to let them make decision for themselves is rewarding:)

* Teaching Abby to drive... Told her to put the car in reverse and the wipers went flying across the window, then she jacked on the turn signals both direction... OMG, this is now Kurt's department...




*Seeing Brock play lacrosse and seeing a bit of aggression coming out, he is such a sweet kid it is good to see some toughness.

* Looking at my "baby" and seeing a 20 year old in an 11 year old body, well almost 12. She might be my biggest challenge...

* Knowing we are doing a good job parenting when our kids want to hang out with us. Really they do!

* Seeing Kurt stress out the past few days makes me realize he is human after all...(Mr. Chicken Soup for the Soul). Usually me that is the stress case...

All in all is has been a good week with a lot of progress.

The Bickersons…

The Bickersons…

bick·er
verb (used without object)
1.to engage in petulant or peevish argument; wrangle: The two were always bickering.
noun
2.an angry, petty dispute or quarrel; contention.

I feel like we should change our family name to the Bickersons… Not for Kurt and I, but for our kids.
For some crazy reason things have been totally nutty at the Hines household. It is a double-edged sword kids with cell phones. My phone has been blowing up with text messages and voicemails about the “drama “ unfolding at home, school, or on the bus.
Some of the texts are humorous and some of them are so far beyond me… My “perfect” children would never drop the “f-bomb” would they? Yes, is the answer…

TEXT: mom i said the f word to brock bc i freaken hate him
Sophia :)

TEXT: you can just ground me dad will yell at me to much
Sophia :)


What are they learning on that school bus?
In my head I have so many different ideas on how to handle this but when I come face to face with them I become like a squid (no backbone). Kurt has been the “heavy” for me. Although if I keep eating and not working out I will have to take over that position by default.

I think what it boils down to is we need to teach our kids patients. This is where all the snappiness comes from. Button pushing is another issue. So as we come to a resolution, I will just have to learn to rule with an iron fist, or a spongy hand.

We are moving… Someday

Here I am on a plane back to NH from San Diego California. We are two days later then expected due to hellish weather in the New England area. We are leaving weather in Cali that was incredible. It is freak’n winter out there and people are in flip-flops, shorts and tee shirts. People in that area were complaining about the weather there… Rain is like snow to them.
The main part of our trip was to see Halee at SDSU. If I had to do college all over again I would be at that school! What a campus! I might even pledge to a sorority, I know crazy but it is a different college experience then where I went. While we were there we took a tour of the campus. As Halee was showing us her school Kurt heard whistles blowing in the distance. He was drawn to them like a moth to a bright light. We came around the corner and BAM, SDSU football practice. Needless to say Halee and I left Kurt there for a bit while she showed me the aquaplex. This is where all the pools are and tanning pools/hot tubs. The pools are salt water; I guess it is better for your skin. This is also where the water polo takes place; I didn’t see any horses though…

We headed back to find Kurt, he hadn’t moved. I took some pictures he talked to some people so not our trip has turned in to a “business trip”, tax write off! We met some of Halees friends, they were all so great!
Another part of our trip was to go see my brothers family north east of the city in Temecula. We have now decided to move to that area some day. We checked out the schools, went to the HS, and found a lot of homes that would work for us. One drawback, they are laying off teachers. Not a good idea for us to move at this point, but I would go in a heartbeat if we won the lottery.

It was so great to see Jenn and the kids! I wish we lived closer because our kids would love them!

We saw a real lifeguard rescue at one of the beaches we were at. Kurt was looking for Pamela Anderson running down the beach. Too bad for him it was two hot young men. They pulled 3 teens from the water. The waves were huge, bigger then anything I have seen and the rip currents were super powerful. Kind of cool for us to see from dry land, scary for the teens. (no one or thing was injured durring this photo)

Mind you during our fun my kids and my dad were dealing with the weather in NH. High winds, rain, flooding, snow, and power outages… I felt horrible that I was in warm weather, and having hot showers as they were struggling at home.

I did sacrifices as well, the airline offered Kurt and I 2 free tickets and a refund on what we paid for the tickets we bought. I so wanted to do it but knew my kids might turn on me and my dad might just abandon the kids.

Choices and the result

As each day goes by I think of the great life I am enjoying. Many choices good and bad have gotten me to this point in life. Here is a list of good and bad that got me to this point.

• Had a dad that was a silent alcoholic and had PTSD
  
• Mom tried protecting us and him so we didn't talk about the issues, and didn't showed much emotion
• Found acceptance in a lot of wrong places
• Tried living up to my brothers level that my mom put him on (couldn't do it)
  
• Left home senior year
• learned about the addiction my dad faced and I was slowly following, and went to treatment in UT while he went in NH
• Went back to UT and realized real life...
• Came home with a baby
• Dissed by my Grandmother(shocker)
  
• Thought I could live the same life style with a baby, not the case, had another baby
• Dissed by friends and some family
  
• Gave up that baby to a family that could provide for him(that is another blog for another day) and then mellowed out
• Continued college in Newton MA
  
• Found Kurt through Halee (and Karen, BFF) at a daycare in Waterville Valley skiing for a week
  
• Realized this is the guy for me, Irish Catholic, partier...
• Married, against my mothers disapproval
• Had 3 more great and healthy kids
• Drove a bus for 8 years (not my life goal)
  
• Had money/spending issues
• Became stronger in our relationship because of it
• Found a job that has been challenging and rewarding at the same time
• Watching my kids grow up and make choices that I have a hard time with but need to let them grow and learn
• Wondering why I still have acne at almost 40
• Off to California next week for a trip for Kurt and I. Leaving the kids behind but know this is a much needed trip to reconnect

I know everything happens for a reason and there is a plan for us all and that the challenges we face just make us stronger and know we can be an example to someone some day.

New Year 2010

Every New Years I make resolutions... Every year I bail on them and myself. What is it going to take? Kurt and I joke about people who are no longer in a relationship start to lose weight and take care of themselves. Do I have to ask Kurt to threaten to leave me? Why don't I put myself first?
Why do I find all these other things to do so I can avoid the gym, or justify a cheat day to take place every other day. I am so tired of being fat! I looked down at my thighs while I was at work today and thought I was looking st someone else. That is not me. Then I poked at my sweater thinking it was all my sweaters and realized it was ME, my gut. OMG are you kidding me? This is ridicules! I can no longer say I feel guilty leaving the kids at home while I go to the gym cause they go more then I do now. I look on the web and in magazines about quick weight loss looking for the miracle cure, there isn't any. I realized that if Oprah has blown up again and she can afford the world and she has not found it it must be true that I have to cut calories and work out:(
How big do I have to be for gastric bypass? I can bulk up and then have the surgery. How much fun would that be just packing it on... Just kidding. If Kurt is reading this he is so scared. LOL

So , I need to pull my head out of my FAT ass and reach some of my goals I have been avoiding.
Biggest Loser is ruthless but if they can lose weight I can too. I know they work out for 6 to 8 hours a day, but I have never seen anyone sweat like that like at Planet Fitness, but maybe I need to step it up and start. If I feel a bead of sweat I panic, I think I might pass out or I stop and head home. Kurt pushes me ( in a loving way) and I have learned I can say no to him and he just keeps dragging me along. I need to step it up and show him and myself I can do this and the pain is a good pain...
So enough is enough and I am on a journey to succeed!

Can you pass the chips?

Lazy vs. Overwhelmed

This is a battle I have with myself a lot. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed it comes across as me being lazy. I have so much stuff going on in my head and through out my day that I just get so tired. Please tell me I am not the only one that feels this way.
The holidays are over and life is getting back on track. School/work are going well. I did just get told that my position at the HS will be just 181 days, instead of the 210. This is OK with me, but that is 2 pay checks that I will no longer be getting. I just wonder who will pick up my work? I don't think people realize what it takes to finalize up the year or what is involved in starting up a new year. I am sure all will be taken care of:)

I guess some days I am lazy, and most days overwhelmed.